By Mya Kirkwood – University of Liverpool
When organisations think about neurodiversity inclusion, they rarely consider parents and carers of neurodivergent children – especially those who are neurodivergent themselves.
This Neurodiversity Week it’s time to get serious about supporting neurodivergent working parents and carers of neurodivergent children – for the sake of current and future generations.
Neurodivergent conditions are believed to be genetic, so it is not surprising that neurodivergent people are often parents to neurodiverse children (and often with a neurodivergent partner). A recent survey by City & Guilds (2025) found that approximately 50% of neurodivergent professionals had children with, or awaiting, 1+ neurodivergent diagnosis. But very little advice is designed for employers to support working neurodivergent parents/caregivers of neurodivergent children.
So, what are the key things employers need to know to understand and support these employees?
MANAGING UNEXPECTED CHANGES
Life with children is anything but expected. You never know when an unexpected illness or event might occur. This unpredictability can be amplified in neurodivergent households.
The challenges that neurodivergent people experience can be very variable. Your employee could spend all week worrying about how their neurodivergent child will experience a difficult transition, just to find that they adapt brilliantly and have a great time on the day! Inversely, they can never predict exactly when their child might feel overwhelmed and need extra support. This also applies to the experiences and challenges of neurodivergent parents/employees.
Access to support services can also be sparse and must be taken as and when they become available.
Managing these layers of evolving needs can make work-life extremely unpredictable for neurodivergent parents/carers of neurodivergent children.
RECOMMENDATION FOR EMPLOYERS: Offer true flexibility
Neurodivergent parents need flexible working arrangements to balance these multiple layers of inconsistency in their personal and professional lives (City & Guilds, 2025). While some might have more specific requests and predictable needs, others won’t – and their needs will evolve over time with their family.
Concerns about “unfair treatment” are common in organisations. Equality legislation in the UK requires equity (providing access to equal opportunities) rather than standardised treatment between individuals. This might mean that the exact adjustments for each individual employee will vary in order to give them the same opportunity to engage in their work.
Extending flexible working arrangements to your wider workforce can empower all employees, while circumventing inaccurate perceptions of injustice between colleagues. It can be
frightening for employers to loosen their sense of control, but research shows that all of your employees can simultaneously benefit from less traditional, more flexible, practices, particularly neurodivergent employees (Ezerins et al., 2025).
SAFE PERSON AND CONSISTENCY
For many neurodivergent children, one or both of their parents/caregivers can be their “safe person/space” (Holt, 2024), a figure whom they trust to understand their needs and thus provide a deep sense of anchoring and safety in an otherwise overwhelming world. Some neurodivergent parents feel that their neurodivergence enhances their insight and sensitivity towards their child’s idiosyncratic experiences and needs (Panda, n.d.)
Being a safe person to a neurodivergent child can be a huge privilege and responsibility for parents and caregivers, who might then become the preferred caregiver to assist in navigating difficult situations, such as transitions, overwhelm, and meltdowns.
However, if a neurodivergent child needs one particular caregiver to consistently engage with one particular aspect of their life, this need for rigidity and predictability can override opportunities for more flexible work-life balance discussions. For example, if Dad must always attend school pick-up, then last-minute adjustments such as “My meeting has overrun – can [partner, grandparents, siblings] do pick-up?” isn’t an option.
RECOMMENDATION FOR EMPLOYERS: Avoid last minute changes and requests
Being inclusive and affirming of neurodiversity at work means accepting the different ways that neurodiversity within one’s family might influence the ability to be “always on” or available to the organisation.
While flexibility is key, routines and predictability can be extremely important for many neurodivergent people (parents/carers and children). Employers should try to be “parent-led” to honour these variable needs (Waber & Oliver, 2023), and communicate any unavoidable changes or stipulations as far in advance as possible, so families can do their best to adjust accordingly.
To be truly inclusive, employers also need to accept that in some cases, a parent to neurodivergent children might not be able to reasonably meet unexpected changes to work routines without causing undue distress for their child(ren).
In these instances, employers might need to reconsider their assumptions about what commitment looks like. Does commitment really mean always being present and available to the organisation – or might it sometimes look like meeting personal needs so they can then be engaged and productive once at work?
ADULT DIAGNOSES
A final important thing to be aware of is that we are seeing more working parents of neurodivergent children recognise their own neurodivergence. A child’s diagnosis can often inspire introspection and self-recognition in parents.
Many participants in my PhD research shared similar stories about how completing screening criteria/assessments for their child triggered unexpected self-awareness and inspired them to pursue diagnoses for themselves. For many, this is an empowering experience that helps them to understand their own identity, needs, and life experiences. For many, this can also lead to a sense of grief for the life and support they missed while their neurodivergence was unrecognised. It can also be a period of confusion, as these employees now start to question their assumptions about their work and personal lives and seek to understand their rights and responsibilities.
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR EMPLOYERS: COMMUNICATE TO UNDERSTAND AND TRUST YOUR EMPLOYEES’ NEEDS
Employers aren’t expected to be neurodiversity experts who can predict the personal needs and experiences of each of your employees, especially when they are only beginning to understand their own needs.
Ultimately, your neurodivergent workforce needs you to listen and trust when they ask for an accommodation to benefit their work-life balance. Having conversations with your neurodivergent working parents – and trusting what they share with you – is critical.
Remember that accommodation requests are your employees trying to bring their best potential to your organisation. Asking for an adjustment is your employee’s way of saying: “I know I have more potential in me, can you help me to unlock it?”
If an employee is at the beginning of understanding their neurodivergence, then give yourself and your employee the grace and space to try potential accommodations and adjust as required. Both of you might be afraid of “getting it wrong” and this fear can lead to withdrawal – instead, communicate with your neurodivergent employees and reassure them that you are on this journey together.
A FINAL NOTE ON INTERSECTIONALITY
It is also important to remember that individual experiences of neurodivergent parents, caregivers, and children, and thus their work-life needs, will intersect with their other important identities, such as their sexuality, race, age, and/or religion. We might often assume that people have traditional family structures, such as heterosexual married couples living with biological children and gendered-division of labour (Radcliffe et al., 2022). In reality, contemporary families and workforces are much more diverse than this – and all the better for it!
Being inclusive of intersectionality really reiterates the importance of having dialogue with your employees – avoid assumptions, listen to your employees and work with them to understand how you can best support their specific experiences and needs.
REFERENCES:
Ezerins, M. E., Simon, L. S., & Rosen, C. C. (2025). Autistic Applicants’ Job Interview Experiences and Accommodation Preferences: An Intersectional Analysis. Journal of Management, 0(0). https://doi.org/10.1177/01492063241308214
City & Guilds (2025, March). 2025 Neurodiversity Index Report.
Holt, A. (2024). ‘I’m his safe space’: Mothers’ Experiences of Physical Violence From Their Neurodivergent Children—Gender, Conflict and the Ethics of Care. British Journal of Criminology, 64. https://doi.org/10.1093/bjc/azad074
Panda (no date). Neurodiverse parents: Managing sensory overload
Panda (no date). David’s story: Parenting as a neurodivergent dad
Radcliffe, L., Cassell, C. and Matik, F. (2022). Providing, Performing and Protecting: The Importance of Work Identities in Negotiating Conflicting Work–Family Ideals as a Single Mother. British Journal of Management, 33(2). https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/1467-8551.12472
Waber, B. and Oliver, K. (June, 2023). How to Support Parents of Neurodivergent Children at Work.
RESOURCES FOR NEURODIVERGENT PARENTS AND CARERS:
It’s Not Just You, This Is Hard: Parenting Neurodivergent Children – Dr Sarah Flint (Jan 2025).
Why Being a Neurodivergent Parent is Especially Tough – Dr Jo Mueller (Jan 2024).
Neurodiverse parents: Managing sensory overload – Panda (no date).
Supporting Neurodivergent Parents at Work – Laura Wallis, Uptimize (no date).
Parenting When You’re Autistic: Tips and advice on how to parent successfully alongside your neurodivergence – Pooky Knightsmith (Sep 2024).